Dear friends, fear not I am still amongst you. I regret not being able to post my blog as regular as I should but as they say, " Heavy is the head that wears the crown".
It's a quiet time of year for Morris Dance activities, they tend to hybernate away from storms at this time of year, I have observed them collecting wind fall nonney sticks up my local wood though. The weather plays havoc with their bells and uniforms and they dare not bring out their hankies as they will get blown away.
BUT BEWARE FRIENDS they shall soon stir, awaken from their slumbers and will be dancing and prancing down your local High street.
Please report any sightings you have on this site.
May the Hornblower be with you.
Friends:
I have now openly declaired war on our known enemy The Morris Dancer. The decission to do so has been made after the one with the pulled hamstring defected back to his gaylord passtime with my local bunch of mambypamby Morris folk.
I regret to have to inform you that 1st blood has been drawn in their favour.
Earlier today,whilst walking about town,a car pulled up close to me and I was mercilessly heckled IN PUBLIC by the Ham stringed one, this violation of my human rights will not be forgotten nor will it go un-punished.
Rules of engagement: ( these rules will be publised on a new page and all acts of war will be posted as and when they happen)
To arms my friends, the game is afoot.......
HORNBLOWER.
Fear not I have not lost my mind.
I saw an ex Morris Dancer today, a chap known to me,struggling through the fog and in some distress. I turned my van and went back to him and asked what ailed him, seems he pulled a ham string playing rugby or Hockey or netball or something like that, More likely doing some gaylord dance with bells on I thought, so I offered him a lift to where he was going. I asked him how his Morris Dance classes were coming along and he informed me that he had quit due to the embarrassment it caused his children, POWER TO THE CHILDREN! I'm sure hes still one of them at heart though but will use this contact to gain insider information on these wierd buggers.
Oh yes I will be the 1st to put myself forward for front line duties for heavy is the head that wears the crown.
I had a thought today, a sad and terrible thought. Morris Dancing children!!!!!!!
Oh yes friends they exist. All I can think is that the Adult dancers force their children to dress like twats and then parade them about up their local High Streets to be ridiculed by all their school mates next Monday morning in the play ground.
What shame these poor children endure. This cannot be right, this cannot go un punished, For this I may bring about the creation of a,
Child of the Morris photo board just so we too can laugh and point fingures at these juvenile fools.
AHOY AHOY! And welcome to the Blog of Hornblower,
Grandmaster Of The League Against Morris Dancers.
In the begining the web page was created and all did wonder at it's revelations about fools who do dance and prance whilst dressed like numpties, yet more would come and join the fun till one day change could be brought........
Oh so you dont think I'm being serious enough!!!!! Well I mean no harm, just a bit of fun at the expense of Morris dancers who I find irritating to the max.
I cannot disclose my true identity for I have plans to infitrate their ranks via covert means, as you can understand my true identity must at all times be kept a close secret.
Soon the Morris Dance season will be upon us, Easter sees them cavorting and jumping about at the 1st sound of a bit of folk music, beardie twonks, They will have you believing its something to do with a green man and Druid fertility rites or some such bollox but dont be fooled.
PURE EVIL..........Thats what it is. Dont be fooled into giving them money they only go and spend it on real ales with stupid names like,
Cock Crippler, Herons Widger or Fumbling Ferkin.
Avert thine eyes from their gawdey coloured costumes and beware the foot tapping that you may experience when suddenly confronted by a team up your High Street or village green.
I will go forth for you and find them,let the experienced Grand Master venture to their dens and show you what they are like, for I will report to you un-censored accounts of what I find.
I will soon have in my posetion 500 stickers with the details of this site which I will place in the toilets and bars of known pubs that support the Morris Dance, I will place the stickers upon the backs of Dancers as they dance,soon the world will know of our cause and then.........Then my friends.............
WE MARCH.......